warning: This pool is deep and contains no bananas, potatoes, or pies. Sorry Ik.
There are times when, its as if I’m in a daze. When the teacher talks, I listen but I don’t hear. I can’t see the point of the lesson. The words on the board are white markings, incoherent squiggles, and her voice is noise. I pay attention, but nothing registers. I’m confused. Is there something goin on that I don’t know about? Do the other people know something I don’t know? What’s going on?
There are times when I am lucid. I know and understand exactly what is going on, and what I have to do. I hear the professor and understand his words. I go over the lesson in my head, simplifying terms till I can understand it just fine. I’m confident. I know what I’m doing. I have a purpose.
There are times when it feels like my eyes are open. I ride the train and watch the sunset through the windows and the gaps between the buildings. I walk through the school campus and see how the sunlight falls through the gaps in the leaves, shining through the clear, cloudless blue sky. I walk home through the rain, feeling the refreshing coldness of the water. I sit by the river and feel the wind through my hair. I watch the students walk around campus, rushing to class and chatting with friends. I watch the commuters on the train, packed together like sand in a bucket. I wonder, can’t they see what’s going on around them? The soft blanket of blue every twilight, just after sunset, lending them some last minute light before dark while they go home? The beuaty and wonder that no mega movie special effects can truly pay justice to?
There are times when I can’t sit still. I’m bounce-off-the-walls-hyper or in a “fangirling” mood. I spazz about the lastest schedules, videos, songs, and pictures of my shiny boybands. I talk and talk and talk about Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, and Alan Rickman and their performances in Sweeny Todd and how different their acting will be in Tim Burton’s Alice.
There are times when I’m so furious, I blieve I can set things on fire just by glaring at them. I want chaos and destuctiong, but I dont know why. I am angry…about nothing.
There are times when I can’t take anything seriously. When everything is dismissed with a shrug and a “meh”. When lack of energy or tiredness is explained with a laugh and complaint about not having had coffee. When serious matters are met with apathy and a blunt, cold, “whatever”.
There are times when I just stop and think. Philosophical thoughs and ispirational metaphors come and are quickly forgotten as my attention wanes. Simple, every day questions are pndered on with a deeper meaning, a different point of view.
There are times when anxiety fries my nerves to a crisp. The world becoms fast paced, every second is a precious minute gone by. I try to do everything I can, get everything done, but there never is enough time. Or maybe I’m not moving fast enough?
And there are times when ideas come. Sometimes the ideas just visit for a while, a quick hello and goodbye, and other times they will stay, filling my thoughts until, when I finally put pen to paper, I write.
So before I end this post, I’ll leave you with a quick question:
How do you feel today?
